Epic Rap Battles of Tyria: Nicholas vs. Yakkington

Matthew "Quizshow" Moore (of "Spawn the Dragon" fame) decided to get in on this rap battle madness. Here's his contribution: Nicholas vs. Yakkington!



Alright you fuzzy beast, it's been a year and some change
Moving from mountain to grange, and now I'm sick of your mange.
I've broadcast to the world your lucky number is five
But I never let them know you're lucky to be alive.
I've been sheltering your hide since you were just a little calf,
Though you're afraid of the dark and you eat more than your half.
You're rude to little girls, you're misbred, and you shed.
You chew up iris flowers...really anything that's red.
People look into your blue eyes and swear your soul is deep,
But it's only food that drives you; you're basically a sheep.
It's time for everyone to know that you're a gluttonous ninny.
After I'm done on the mic, they'll see that I deserve the mini!
Oh, I see how it is, the ball of fur thinks if he's silent
It'll save him from my fury, but I'm abouts ta get violent!
I'm large! I'm in charge! I'm a behemoth on the stage!
Forget carving up their jawbones, I'll carve you up in my rage!
Is your own jaw droppin' now? Prepare to open it wider.
Insert hoof into mouth. I'll stomp you out like a spider!
I'm the half that can rock, you're the half that won't talk,
So let's make this contest interesting: loser has to walk!
I won't normally ride you, but I'll be cruising like a king
While your pride has been crippled by my Leaping Mantis Sting!
I'm a verbal assassin; my gift is knocking you flat,
Which I'll trade you for your silence. What do you say to that?
*Yakkington sniffs around in Nicholas's gear,
Then nuzzles under his hand for a scratch on the ear.*
Come on, little buddy, this was supposed to be fun.
I thought we'd take a little break from always being on the run.
We'd trade a couple jabs, make some good-natured japes,
Call each other stupid grawl though we're nothing like apes.
Aw, shucks, I've made him angry, now I'll have to go offer
All the gifts in my sack or every coin in my coffer
To any friendly travellers who happen to pass
While he punches at my guilt by sadly nibbling the grass.
You wouldn't happen to have an ether claw for a comb,
Or an enchanted lodestone to remind him of home?
I should have known better; he's the best in the herd.
Only Yakkington could win without so much as a word.